it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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