A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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