my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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