hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
