So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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