I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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