I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
