I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
