i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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