I think my fart just growled at me.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
