I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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