ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
