We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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