pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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