my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
