Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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