Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
