I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
