i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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