Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
