tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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