her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A+ Viking dick
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
