There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
