I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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