I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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