in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I cannot find my penis.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
