My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize