when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
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He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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