need another drink. this is the easiest way
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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