she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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