Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
