Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
