So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
