my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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