he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I think I am morally bankrupt
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
