Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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