Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
