At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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