38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
