the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
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But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
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He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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