PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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