i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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