I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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