Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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