I think my vagina is haunted
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
