no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Randomize
