she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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