Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize