haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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