I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
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Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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