oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
