garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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