I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
