I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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