I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
