i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were trust falling into bushes
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
