my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
