exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
