I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
