I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
