Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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