you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Randomize
