that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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