; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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