My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
