I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
