dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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