Sponge bath it is.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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