Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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