So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
