when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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