he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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