3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Even my vagina gasped.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
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It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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