I think my vagina is haunted
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
