all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
