dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
